I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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