apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
