He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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