Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
