Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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