someone threw a dead crab at me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I enjoy the company of your penis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
