haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
