can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
