so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
