so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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