if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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