How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
