Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
