right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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