were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
