And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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