you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
