so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
