I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
