do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
