During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
