I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
