if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
