I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
