Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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