i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
