Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
