What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
