wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
