The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
