Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
