you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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