in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
