take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
