yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
