Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
