Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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