Dual....:-)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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