Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
