i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
