Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
