how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
