I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
