Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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