i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
