Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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