God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
