We're like a lot better than the average bears
wat bout pragnant strippers??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he thought i was a dude.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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