1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
