i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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