I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
