well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
